Musar para sa Mga Panaghoy 3:39

And behold, King Solomon, peace be upon him, said (Proverbs 10:12): “hatred stirs up strifes, but love covers all sins”. And there are causes due to which hatred arises between a man and his brother [fellow], and all is vain and chasing after wind. There is one who hates [another] because the other person sinned against him physically, financially, or [by diminishing] his honor; therefore regarding this the Torah has already commanded (Leviticus 19:18): “Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge”. And [the sages] explained the reason for it: for that person is constrained in his actions, and is carrying out the will of the Merciful One. For Hashem told him to curse, and his unfortunate lot caused it so that the guilt [of this action] came about through a blameworthy person. And therefore, there is no room to hate a fellow, for he is like an acts in the hand of one chops with it, and “why does a living man complain, a man over his sins?” (Lamentations 3:39). And there is one who hates [another] because of his jealousy, and thinks that because of his fellow, his livelihood has been diminished. And this is nothing other than a lack of faith, as will be discussed in the section “Faith” with the help of Heaven. And there is one who hates [another] since he sees that his fellow is not walking in the good path, and in this the living person should take to heart that he too has shortcomings and blemishes according to his own level. For everything is according to what kind of person he is; “the scales and balances of judgement are in the hand of Hashem” (Proverbs 16:11). And if his fellow’s [evil] inclination overpowered him and he transgressed the will of his Creator, and Hashem extended kindness to him and guided him on the path of truth, surely he ought to give thanks to Hashem and to be careful in the fine details of his commandments to a hair’s breadth according to his knowledge and understanding and according to the help that he received [from Hashem]. And he should not despise or hate his fellow in his heart, for it was not permitted to hate [anyone] except a wicked person, who even after being rebuked several times nevertheless persists in his rebellion and provokes our Father in Heaven and causes sorrow in Heaven. But regarding any other person, it is forbidden to hate him. And the Tanna already spoke very strongly in condemning hatred, to the extent that he said (Avot 2:11): “Hatred of people removes a person from the world”.

And included in the commandment of [someone] mourning is that when a dead [relative] of his dies whom he is obligated to mourn for, is that he should be careful to fulfill the laws of morning as proper, as our Sages of blessed memory established, [and] as is explained in Shulchan Aruch Yoreh Deah Chapter 342. And many ignorant people do not know to be careful due to a lack of knowledge, and study words of Torah, wear leather shoes, and seek to distract themselves from the mourning. And the wise should be prudent, for at the time when the forces of judgement are upon him he must be careful to fulfill every matter properly and to accept upon himself the judgement of heaven. And he shall surely weep for the three days [designated] for weeping; a living man should complain, a man over his sins [Lamentations 3:39]. And for the entirety of the seven days, one should occupy himself with eulogizing [the deceased], recounting the virtues of the deceased and every good quality that was found in him. And he should study the laws of mourning, or sorrowful [Torah] words, in such a way that he does not shift his thoughts from mourning, for [the sages] prohibited even engaging in childish chatter so that he won’t divert his attention. And when he fulfills the words of the Sages, he is assured that he will not continue to grieve anymore. And it is fitting for every person, when a misfortune befalls him, G-d forbid, to seek books on the laws of mourning. And if he doesn’t know the holy tongue (Hebrew), he should seek books in foreign languages, like the Shulchan Aruch in another language and the book “Me-am Lo-ez” on Parshah Vayechi [Genesis 47:28-50:26] and the like. And this is the whole [purpose] of man, that he should seek to know what he should do according to the law, from the mouths of Sages or from books, and he will not transgress the will of his Creator, and through this there will be joy in his dwelling.

But now consider that even in the quality of worry there is some good to be found, as the Prophet said, "Wherefore doth a living man complain — A strong man because of his sins?" (Lam. 3:29). The sinner should nurture sadness in his heart and grieve in the bitterness of his heart that he has rebelled against the Creator of all.